New Year's Eve

(Yes, I'm back-posting this entry.)

I spent the evening watching the "Twilight Zone" marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel with DD. She is four years old, you know, and she seemed enthralled with the episodes. She liked the ones with kids in them. DH had to work.

When he got home around 9:30pm, we watched the movie "Dodgeball," which was a silly movie and just what I needed. I think we were both asleep by 11:30pm.

I avoided watching the New Year's Eve countdowns on the regular tv channels. "TZ" was much more interesting. I think I could watch a program about a cornfield growing and DD would say it was her favorite show. :)

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope this year brings all of you many wonderful and happy things. Thanks for reading my blog!

Gmail invites

I have six gmail invites. The first six people who would like an invite, please email me (see the sidebar on the right).

Today's News of Note

Hello Kitty turned 30.

Author and intellectual Susan Sontag died.

The Southeast Asian tsunami has killed 44,000, with the death toll to surely rise further.

Xmas Day

I was more excited about Christmas Day than DD. I think I must have woken up three or four times in the night. Finally, DH & I got up around 6:30 and woke up DD. We told her to go downstairs to see if Santa came, and she hurried down the steps, only to return a few moments later, shrieking that he had indeed dropped off gifts.

Santa left her a note, thanking her for the milk and cookies. It was really amazing to see her delight. This is about the first year that she's been into the whole Santa thing. Some people don't lie to their children about Santa, but to me, Santa is as real as he can be. (I am still disappointed that an actual flesh-and-blood Santa does not exist!)

She got so many gifts, mainly art supplies. I received two large candles, two chocolate oranges, U2's "Atomic Bomb" CD, and other stuff from DH. After we opened our gifts, we got ready to go to my mom's house.

My parents showered us with gifts as well. We all got money, too. It was nice to be able to spend all day there rather than have to hurry around to other relatives' houses. In the late afternoon, the family went to my aunt's house for Xmas dinner. She fixed italian beef and ham, cheesy potatoes, green beans, and corn. My mom brought a fruit pizza and fudge. We stuffed ourselves.

I received all the gifts I wanted: this calendar, candles, and chocolate oranges from DH, and this set of figurines from my sister. (I'd really like to get this one in the future.)

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Xmas Eve

We spent Xmas Eve day at my in-laws. FIL had to work, since he's a postal employee and all the trucks were late because of the severe winter snowstorm that blanketed the Ohio River Valley. MIL cooked chicken and noodles for lunch and it was delicious. My gingerbread and cookies didn't turn out so well, but we ate them anyway. After lunch, we opened our gifts.

DD got a doll and a remote-controlled truck. DH and I got money. MIL liked the suncatcher we gave her. Then, after the gifts were opened, DH, DD, and MIL played Jenga and we sat around and chatted. FIL arrived later in the afternoon, and he liked the shirt we gave him.

I think DH was disappointed that his sister and her family weren't there to celebrate with us, but I told him that it was the thought that counted. His parents had decided to spend Xmas Day at his sister's, so he was not too enthused about having to spend all of Xmas Day with my extended family. :)

It was different this year since DH's relatives had been ill. His grandfather had just gotten out of the hospital. His mother was still recovering from her surgery that she had three months ago. Other people in his extended family were also recovering from surgery, plus the weather was bad. So, it was just one of those years.

A few more hours until freedom

Last night, DH and I baked cookies. I stirred up the oatmeal cookie dough and he put it on the pans to bake in the oven. I hate that part, but he enjoys it, so I guess it works out okay. Then he made white-chocolate-covered pretzels. Tonight I will make gingerbread while he's at work. Mmmm... I can almost smell it now.

DD is getting very excited about Santa's impending arrival. Each day, when she moves another decoration on the advent calendar, she counts down the remaining days.

It snowed a little overnight and she was begging us to go out and play, but it's much too cold. The wind chill makes it feel like it's 20 degress below zero. Brrrr.... I'm cold right now, since my desk is on an outside wall.

For some reason, this week seems to have crawled by slowly, but at the same time, the evenings have flown by. I guess I am as anxious as anyone for the holiday to arrive. :)

After I make the gingerbread, I'll be finished with my holiday preparations. On Christmas Eve, we'll be going to the in-laws, but DH's sister and her family won't be there. Her husband just had some knee surgery and they don't want to travel (even though they live only an hour away). DH's parents will be going to their house that evening to spend the night with them. So, on Christmas Day, we'll be spending all day at my parents' house, after we celebrate at home, of course. It will be a lot easier on us, since we only have the one family gathering to go to. Usually, we have to go to three gatherings, but my mother-in-law's extended family isn't getting together this year. Too many of them have had surgery and are still not feeling well.

I hope you all have a happy holiday season!

2004 Year in Review

(stolen from Richard Wright's blog)

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? I wrote more this year than ever before.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't make any, other than to write more, and yes, I achieved that at least. I will probably make some goals for 2005.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, my roommate from college had a baby boy in April, and my Australian pen pal had a baby boy in October.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No

5. What countries did you visit? None

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Some vacation time!

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Hmmmm... probably Valentine's Day, because DH and I actually went all out this year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Completing Nanowrimo's goal of 50,000 words in one month.

9. What was your biggest failure? Losing 75,000 words when my computer hard drive died in July.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, other than a couple of minor colds.

11. What was the best thing you bought? A DVD player with surround sound.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My own, because I broke the bad habit of internet addiction.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My own, because I had to give up my internet addiction, which made me sad and depressed.

14. Where did most of your money go? The mortgage, of course

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Finishing Nanowrimo!

16. What song will always remind you of 2004? "My Immortal," Evanescence

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder; b) thinner or fatter; c) richer or poorer?: a) less depressed, more hopeful for a better future; b) fatter, but working on it; c) poorer, most definitely

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Written even more

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Wasted time in depression

20. How will you be spending Christmas? with my parents and family

21. Did you fall in love in 2004? No

22. How many one-night stands? None

23. What was your favorite TV program? "Lost," by far

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No (feel guilty about, perhaps)

25. What was the best book you read? I read too many to keep track.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? ??????

27. What did you want and get? a better relationship with DH

28. What did you want and not get? friendship

29. What was your favorite film of this year? As far as ones I saw, "Chronicles of Riddick," "King Arthur," or "Troy," I guess.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 32, and we went to see "Chronicles of Riddick."

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More money!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? What Not to Wear

33. What kept you sane? My paper journal

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I don't like celebrities.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? I quit watching the news, because political issues were depressing me.

36. Who did you miss? an old friend with whom I lost touch

37. Who was the best new person you met? I didn't meet anyone new.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: "I was not the only one.' Joyce Maynard, "At Home in the World"

Tis the Season

"What time of year is it? Is this your favorite season? Why or why not?"

It is the HOLIDAZE. From Thanksgiving to Christmas Day, I feel rushed, guilty, and annoyed with fellow humans. I try to remember the spirit of the season, but that fades away when that rude shopper pushes past me with those must-have, last-minute Christmas items. I see how the store clerks shift uncomfortably on their feet, knowing that they've been there all day and how they would like to scream if one more person asks if they have such-and-such popular item.

On a recent Saturday afternoon, in a gift-wrapping frenzy, I felt guilty that I had so little money this year. I mean, does my dad really want another box of Turtles? I look at the charms I purchased for my sisters and sister-in-law and feel guilty for not spending more money. Some people are so hard to buy gifts for, but I did not really want to spend money on gift cards, because I always spend too much. I know it's the thought that counts, but still...

Christmas used to be my favorite holiday, but there is always a hole that cannot be filled, ever since my grandmother passed away fourteen years ago. Time dulls the pain, but it cannot completely erase the emptiness. We made new family holiday traditions; however, my memories are tinged with childhood nostalgia, when everything seemed wonderful and happy and perfect, and when Santa brought me everything I wanted, plus a few surprises.

I try to keep in the holiday spirit by listening to Christmas music and talking excitedly to my DD about the holiday—but then I make the mistake of watching the news. Seeing all the violence and strife makes me wonder if there is any point in remembering the spirit of the holiday. So, I flick off the tv, look around my living room at our festive holiday decorations, and remember that this moment is, not something I cannot control over half a world away. I wish I did not have so much empathy for things going on in the world. If I could shut it all out, I would.

But instead, I feel guilty having so much—while others have so little.

Count your blessings, whatever form they take.

It's Always Dark

In spite of yesterday being the Winter Solstice and the fact that the Northern Hemisphere is slowly tilting back toward the sun, my brain feels that it's darker this year than last year at this time. Perhaps buying one of these is in order. (Found it through a link on MeFi.) I get up in the dark, sit in a dim cubicle all day, and come home from work in the dark. Not to mention that when I do go outside, the skies are cloudy.

I don't know how people who live farther north than I do manage. Maybe they get used to needing less sunlight. I never seemed to notice my winter tiredness and mood swings when I was younger. Then again, maybe I just had more energy. Who knows.

Oh, how they will be missed

Read NYT's list of those who passed away this year. You might be surprised.

Happy Yule

Happy Yule to those who celebrate the Winter Solstice!

In case you were wondering...

Poppymom's blog has been temporarily relocated.

Monday Again

A four-day work week and I'm so glad!

On Saturday, I worked some overtime, and later in the afternoon, we went to DH's cousin's house for a family Christmas party. I ended up with a picture of square sheep (one of those cutesy "primitive" folk-art-type paintings), with the inscription "Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much." Yeah, I was thrilled. I'm putting it above the window in the kitchen, which is right above the dog's crate. I have a folk-art wooden cow that sits in the windowsill so I thought it would be an appropriate place to hang the picture.

The kid has been getting up before sunrise. Just once I would like to sleep in past 7am. Maybe she goes to bed too early.

I finished reading Dr. Phil's latest book, "Family First." I would have preferred to read more case studies of actual situations, rather than all the numbered/bulleted list points he tried to make. The book contained a lot of common-sense rhetoric that people seem to forget about. I like what he says about not trying to keep up with the Joneses and that a child does not have to be in a ton of activities . I feel guilty sometimes that my DD isn't getting enough outside stimulation since we don't have her in any extracurricular activities. But she's four. I think there is plenty of time. :)

MMORPGs and the crazy people who play them

And I thought I was spending too much time playing computer games. Apparently, this person spends too much money on them as well.

Voting Sucks

I'm ashamed to say I voted for this person. As if the last governor wasn't bad enough... apparently it's just more of the same. It's amazing that I helped elect Blagojevich, based on his promises of turning things around statewide, but I was naive and stupid. All politicians lie to get elected.

Dear Kitty...

Anne Frank's family home is to become a home for writers.

Busyness

Well, my dear readers, I have been away for awhile--yet again! I've been taking a break. I think Nano just about drained me dry of motivation. However, I've also been trying to finish up my 49th paper journal. I have 20 pages left to write in it, and every time I get this close to ending a book, I just want to get it done.

Moving on to a new book is fun and exciting, even if I do write the same old stuff. :)

The next book, #50, is titled "Bloom Where I am Planted." I found this quote on another blog, and it is a wonderfully appropriate reminder. When I am alone in the evenings, after the kid is in bed, this quote reminds me to stop dwelling on the past and take action now--in the present. Keeping occupied by journaling, reading, cleaning (!), or sometimes vegging in front of the tv takes my mind off the Emotional Express.

Mostly, I've been so tired in the evenings after I get home from work that I don't want to do anything other than veg in front of the tv. Last night, I watched three movies: "I Capture the Castle," "The Heart of Me," and "A Price Above Rubies."

"Castle" was just like I expected, from reading the book a year or so ago. I enjoyed it quite a bit, but mostly because of the book. "Heart" was slightly boring, but the details (sets, costume design, lighting) were great. I didn't really buy into the love affair. "Rubies" was strange, yet interesting. However, I did like it, but I thought Sonia gave up on her marriage too easily, even though she knew she could not live in that closed culture. (I don't like Renée Zellweger, so maybe that clouded my judgment. Julianna Margulies as the hard-ass sister-in-law Rachel was great, in spite of very little screen time.) See 'em if you can find them on cable; otherwise, don't bother.

Wandering Journals

For those of you who might have missed out on the 1000 Journals Project, there's another project you can join: the Wandering Moleskine Project.

WMP has a few stricter rules than 1000 Journals: one page only and mail out first class within a week.

Too bad that 1000 Journals have a lot of books that dropped off the face of the planet. I guess it was such a cool idea that people decided to keep some of them for themselves.

Dumb Stuff I've Noticed Lately

Teaching Creationism in schools

Teaching abstinence-only in schools

Idiots who have like 7 of those "Support Our XXXX" magnetic ribbons on the back of their cars, PLUS the magnetic Ten Commandments


Now, first of all, I have no problem with teaching Creationism. However, public school is no place for it. Teach it in Sunday school or private religious schools. It is a known fact through archaeological evidence that evolution occurred. Until you can show me archaeological proof of Creationism, I won't change my mind. If we were "created," then God(s) provided a way for us to grow and change through different stages of development.

Secondly, I have no problem with abstinence. I DO have problems with abstinence-only sex education. Abstinence-only is misinformation, plain and simple. Teens are still going to have sex. I'd rather have teens be informed about all their options and choosing the smart (and safer sex) road of birth control instead of my taxpayer dollars paying for another family on welfare.

Thirdly, I have no problem with the magnetic ribbons. However, use some common sense, people. Seven of them is about six too many. And the Ten Commandments one is just plain ugly.

Sheeple, indeed.

Bloghop is back!

Finally. Go update your link if you have one.

Back Online

A week passed without an internet connection at work, and it drove me crazy. In fact, I felt terrible without being able to blog, or check email, or whatever. I couldn't jot down writing ideas on a whim to expand on when I had more time. I couldn't keep up with my email groups.

Being internet-less did not help with my productivity. In fact, I think it hindered it because I was so frustrated. But that is all resolved now, and today I worked as usual, and still managed to get quite a bit done. I didn't spend any time jotting down ideas, but at least the capability was there.

It's 7:30pm as I write this blog entry. I find that I need to keep myself occupied in the evenings or I tend to dwell on things I don't need to think about.

Hey, guess what? DD's school pics finally came in and I made out all my Christmas cards and put a photo in each one. Now all I have to do is get them mailed. That should be no problem, since they are all addressed and all they need is Christmas stamps. I wasn't planning on sending out cards this year--I didn't send out any last year--but I knew I would send them out if the photos came on time. Last year, I sent out a few Christmas e-cards. There are probably a couple of Christmas e-cards I'll send this year, too. I'm so productive.

You know what though, if I don't stay productive, I start feeling depressed because I have the evenings to myself. I used to spend my evenings online, but doing that caused me to lose sight of the real reason I got a computer: to write. I wasn't doing any writing when I was online. Writing on the laptop while the tv drones in the background helps me actually write because it doesn't have an internet connection.

Yes, I have an internet addiction, but it's not so bad as it used to be. I'm hardly ever on in the evenings--long enough to post writing and that's about it.

I miss my Nano euphoria. It's already December 6, and I haven't written a word more on my Nano story. Earlier this evening I began to hear Tessa talking again, so I know I will work on it again soon. I know you're all waiting with bated breath.

DH vacuumed and washed some dishes today. I have another load of dishes washing right now in the dishwasher. The kid is in bed; she said she was tired and wanted to go to bed. I'm lucky she's like that. I would hate to have to fight her to go to bed every single night.

I was able to finish up all the Xmas shopping for the extended family. I still have to buy stuff for DH, and I'll probably do that this weekend. On the 18th, we have DH's family party to go to, and I don't want to wait that late to finish shopping for him. These next three weeks will pass quickly.

A local radio station started playing Christmas music on the weekend, 48 hours of it every weekend until Christmas. Listening to that station really put me in the holiday spirit. Even though I sometimes feel absolutely hopeless, the Yuletide season always gives me hope for a better future. I wish I could feel Yule-ish every day.

My article link

Here's a link to one of the articles I had accepted at writeforcash.com. It's a how-to article. I thought it wasn't bad for a first attempt. :) Although I chose not to publish it under a byline, it's still mine, mine, mine! (It helped to have a significant other who knew something about the subject, too.)

Just Me

Losing all hope is truly a terrible feeling. I hope I don't feel that way ever again, because it was a deep, dark place I don't want to revisit. I guess some promises were made to be broken. All I have to comfort me in my sadness is writing through the pain--even when just existing is painful.

There I go again. It is so easy to slip into that well of self-pity. The stones are slippery, and if you start to slide, you'd better reach out with both hands and grab ahold of whatever you can find. I think of that scene in the movie "The Ring," when the little girl looks up from the bottom of the well in which her mother threw her into, and all she sees is that faint halo of light from around the well-cover. She dies, alone and lonely and scared. (Disregard all the rest of the freaky parts of the movie.) That image is what it's like when I descend into that terrible sadness. I can see the halo of light, but there is no one there to grab onto. On the inside, I am that scared child.

Somehow, I manage to climb out of that pit. The halo of light never disappears completely. I think that is what helps me to ascend again. This month hasn't been so bad. I had Nanowrimo to keep me occupied. I also did a bunch of cleaning. When Nano ended, I felt a little panicky. What will keep my attention now? What will keep me from falling down into that dark place again?

Just me. Just me concentrating on finishing my Nano story, and working on some other stories, too.

Just me...

A Peek into Other People's Lives

I'm nosy, I'll admit it. With every worker having a personal folder on the network, it is too tempting to doubleclick and see what they have been saving. I have a folder there also. I keep work-related things in it. Anything I want to save personally, I save to my hard drive or send it to myself via email. I don't want people reading what I write to myself.

Last night, I spent two hours typing what I had written yesterday--5,000+ words! I was going to scan in the text, but my scanner doesn't do OCR (optical character recognition) very well. I would have spent longer scanning each page and cleaning up the text. It was faster to retype it all. I typed eight of the thirteen pages. I'll type up the final five tonight.

What am I doing right now? Well, I was typing this at work earlier this morning, because work was a little slow, but now, at 7pm, I'm watching "The Santa Clause 2" with DD and writing this blog entry.

DD came home with a notice from school today saying someone in her class has head lice. Great. DH searched her hair and didn't see anything, so hopefully, we've avoided it. I told DH that I could not handle the stress of this household possibly having head lice! He didn't see any and I gave her a bath earlier, scrubbing her head several times.

When I was typing this at work, it was like I was talking to myself. So many ideas flit into my brain while I'm working. I am so not liking being unable to be online during the day! If I had a floppy disk drive, it wouldn't be so bad, because then I could save my stuff to disk. But today, I only typed a little bit, because I knew I would have to retype it all when I got home. On the plus side, I got quite a bit of work done, even though I was having trouble concentrating.

As DD played in the bathtub, I pulled out a couple of journals from last year. I reread some old entries, watching myself fade from a new happiness into the depths of despair. I am truly a changed person, both deeply and profoundly. Losing all hope of the future will do that to a person.

Thankfully, I have come out of that stage (at least for now, lol). I am still lonely from time to time, but this is my life. There is nothing external that will make me happier. Happiness comes from within.

What a year. At the end of December, I hope to be starting a new paper journal, and 2005 is going to be a wonderful, hopeful year--I just know it!

The Journal Cards

I finished up those cards sooner than I thought. It only took me an hour. Here's a pic. :)The scan is crappy. I made them by collaging decorative papers, stuff I'd cut from magazines, stickers, and wrapping paper. The card base is made from a plain old index card cut to the correct size.

On the back, I wrote the date, my logo, email address, and number of seven.

I thought they turned out to be pretty interesting.

Catching Up III

On Sunday, DH woke up with a cold, and so did I. He went and picked up DD, and we watched football and hung ornaments on the tree when they came back. I cleared off the mantel and we strung a lighted garland on top of it. I put my Santa collection along the mantel and I have to say, it almost looks like something you'd see on HGTV. :)

We also cleaned off the dining room table, and I put a new vinyl Christmas tablecloth and placemats on it. DD was so impressed that we had to eat supper in the dining room.

While DH went to pick up DD, I had managed to write one and a half of the Nano entries I had fallen behind on. Later in the evening, after DD went to bed, I wrote another one and a half entries.

Monday was back to work as usual--even the rain was back. On one hand, the weekend passed somewhat slowly. I didn't find myself dreading Monday like I usually do, but these past couple of days have absolutely flown by.

I spent Monday and Tuesday nights frantically trying to finish up writing for Nanowrimo. Monday was difficult because I could only get half of what I wanted to get written done. Sigh. But on Tuesday night, DD went to bed at 7pm so I had an extra hour to type away. I finished the final words around 9:30pm and posted everything around 10pm. Yay me!

I had a feeling of letdown when I verified my Nanovel over at the site. I guess I felt that way because the WIP isn't finished yet, and I feel the characters have more to say. The WIP won't be finished until maybe the end of December. I want to keep u pmy momentum. I wrote more about my Nano experience in my journal.

Even though Nano is over, I will still write daily. In addition, I signed up for a small journal-card exchange for a group I'm in. I have to make seven 2.5" x 3.5" cards by this weekend and mail them out. Eeek.

I hope to be blogging again more regularly. I have a new computer at work, and it's not hooked up to the internet yet.

Yes, I'm jonesing for a fix.

A bientôt, mes amis!

Catching Up II

On Friday, after depositing my paycheck and running some other errands, I took DD over to my mom's house. My sister and her family were visiting from Cape Girardeau, MO, and I hadn't gotten to see them the day before, as they were at her in-laws for dinner. DD played with her cousins and my sister and I chatted. She said she and my mom got up early and went shopping for the big sales. I was annoyed, wondering why they didn't invite me to come along. When Mom had mentioned it the day before, I thought she was kidding. *shrugs* Oh well. I had absolutely zero dollars in my wallet anyway.

Later in the afternoon, I dropped DD off at my mother-in-law's house. I asked her if she'd watch DD on Friday night and possibly on Saturday night too. She said she would, so that was nice. I went home and did a little Christmas shopping. DH was working.

On Saturday, DH and I got up early and went Christmas shopping. I told him that even though we didn't have any extra cash at the moment, I wanted to buy all the Xmas gifts for everyone so I didn't have to think about it anymore. Thank the gods for plastic! We managed to get gifts for everyone, except I still have to go to one certain store for my sisters and sister-in-law. We were in the mall and I meant to go back to that store before we left, but I forgot. So I'll do it this Friday. We also got a load of groceries, which will hopefully last for more than one week!

When we got home, we put everything away, and sat down to watch a couple of movies we rented. The first movie was "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban." It was a decent movie, but so much was left out. DH, who hasn't read the books, said it was perfectly fine and he enjoyed it. The second movie was "Elf." I don't know what the hubbub was all about, because it's an average, predictable movie.

After the movies, we wrapped the gifts, hiding DD's in a closet. Then DH put up the tree and we strung the lights on it.

Needless to say, Saturday was a very long day.

Catching Up I

Anohter Thanksgiving has come and gone. I can hardly believe that today is December 1! This entire year has flown by.

I've been away for a few days. Nanowrimo kept me busy, writing over 10,000 words in the past three days. But I achieved my goal of 50,000 words, and that in itself was a huge and wondrous accomplishment.

On Wednesday, we had some funky weather--rain, ice, and snow, and very windy conditions--and the power went off at work. The boss was generous, letting us all go home at 12:30. Thankfully, the weather cooperated and I made it home safely. I was certainly glad I didn't have to drive home later in the afternoon, when the snow started falling.

That night, I caught up on three Nano entries that I was behind on. DH had to work, and nothing was on tv, so I had plenty of time to get them written and posted.

Thursday, the weather was better. It was still cloudy, but the rain had finally stopped, giving us a break in almost two straight weeks of rain. The roads were clear and dry. My cousin was having TG dinner at his new house, so we arrived there around 11am. We were the first ones there, but it didn't take long for other people to show up. We gorged ourselves on a mound of delicious food: turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, noodles, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, strawberry pretzel salad, rolls, veggies and dip on a veggie tray, cheese and crackers, deviled eggs, corn casserole, and a myriad of desserts, such as pumpkin pie, pecan pie, cherry cheesecake, and pumpkin cheesecake muffins. It was a veritable feast!

My cousin said they planned for 26 people to show up, and I would say that just about everyone they invited came. Most of the people were my cousin's relatives on his dad's side, so they were no relation to me. His family was somber because the day before, on that cold, dreary, wet and windy Wednesday, they buried his grandfather who passed away on Sunday after a short battle with an invasive cancer. :(

After visiting while there, we then drove to my aunt-in-law's where DH's family had gathered to celebrate the holiday. His sister's family was supposed to be there, but at the last minute, they all got sick with a nasty virus. Because we were still stuffed from lunch, we didnt' eat anything for supper, even though his family had a lot of leftovers. We ended up taking home several plates of food to eat later. I visited with a friend of mine, DH's cousin. It was nice to see everyone.

Final Nano Update

I made the 50,000 mark! 50,355 words written in 30 days.

Alas, the story itself is not concluded, but it will be. I'm not giving up on my characters or story now. I still truly like it, and I'm enjoying writing again.

Nano Update

Whew. 46,843 words written over the weekend on my story. I WILL make the 50,000 mark by midnight on Nov. 30, but the story itself won't be complete. I think I have about four chapters' worth of text. Ah well. I'll iron out the details when I revise it--AFTER I finish it.

I had a fairly busy weekend, and I don't have time to regale you all with the details right now. I'll blog about the Thanksgiving weekend, probably back-dating the posts.

Hope you're all having a great week!

Nano update

I made 41,111 words tonight. Some of the writing has nothing to do with my story, so I didn't post that stuff to the story blog.

Power lines were knocked down somewhere today and the power went off at work around 11:30am. I was sent home early. That really made a good start to my holiday weekend, in spite of the nasty weather. :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Site Pick

Find interesting and/or unusual websites of note at Metafilter, affectionately known as MeFi. The site is taking signups once again, for a one-time fee of $5 through Paypal. If you register, you can comment and post your own funky links. Lurking/reading is free. :)

However, if you don't want to pay, check out Monkeyfilter.

Bloom where You are Planted

I managed to get 1700-odd words written last night--which had nothing to do with my story--and I also spent two hours working on my cross-stitch project. I felt a sense of accomplishment.

I was a bad mom today. DD had somehow pulled the needle out of the cloth and then subsequently lost it somewhere in the house. (It was my favorite needle!) I didn't discover the loss until after she went to bed, so this morning I asked her about it. She said, yes she had been into stuff she knew she shouldn't have been into. I really reamed her for it, telling her that if the dog found it and ate it, it would be her fault. Sigh. I'm mean. I'll make up for being such a bitch tonight when I get home from work.

I think I had a mild anxiety attack last night as I lay in bed. I was trying to sleep, but my mind was racing, and I felt adrenaline rush through me after I heard a noise downstairs. The dog is always flopping around in her crate, so I'm sure that's all it was. So I didn't sleep very well. Then today, as I was getting ready for work, I felt all crappy mentally. That adrenaline rush started my pulse pounding again, and I would have done anything to stay home. However, I made myself get in the car and go to work.

Then I read a story like this and really felt bad about the state of the world.

I hate feeling helpless and out of control, and I feel that way today. It's another rainy grey day here in the heartland, and I wonder why even bother getting out of bed?

Would I like some cheese with that whine???

The Weekend

On Friday, DH had gone hunting all day. (The MIL watched DD.) He got home around 5:30pm and we ate some sandwiches from Subway for supper. Of course, DH was tired since he had gotten up early to drive to the woods, so he went to bed at 7:30pm on Friday night. I caught up on my Nano writing, posting the entries around midnight.

Saturday... he went hunting again and DD & I stayed home. She wanted to eat at Subway again, so we dug out $10 in dimes and nickels and cashed it in at the bank. Then we went to the restaurant and ate. Later, I decided to walk around the outlet mall because I needed to get my mom a birthday card. I also took DD into Claire's, so she could see where she would be getting her ears pierced for her birthday in January.

But then I started not feeling good. We went home and the more I sat there, the more I worried. The more I worried, the worse I felt. I decided I'd better go to the doctor's office while it was still open. So, we drove the half-hour to the doctor's and waited about fifteen minutes. They diagnosed me with having a mild urinary tract infection (UTI or cystitis). Yeah, I knew it was mild. I didn't have the screaming, burning pain, but I was afraid it would get worse. I didn't want to wake up at 2am with the screaming, burning pain, and no way of feeling better until morning.

I mentioned to the doctor that I hoped I wasn't getting an infection because of caffeine, and DD said "You drink too much pop, Mom." Heehee. I said "I'm sure the doctor appreciates your expert medical opinion."

$6 later, I had my handy-dandy prescription of Bactrim and we headed home. I was still on worry streak, but I drank a lot of water and tried to relax. (Especially since I didn't want to think about the $100+ that doctor visit probably just cost me.)

My mom called later and we decided to go shopping on Sunday. DD sang "Happy Birthday" to her on the phone.

DH did not come home Saturday. He opted to stay at his parents' house, so he could save on gas money. Yes, he went hunting again on Sunday morning. On Saturday night, since I was alone, yet again, I didn't feel like writing. I watched "Queen of the Damned," and "The Rage: Carrie II" on Sci-Fi while working on a cross-stitch project that I've been trying to finish for years. I got motivated because I ran across a new design I want to make, but awhile back, I told myself that I couldn't buy any more designs until I finished the one I was working on. I tried to go to bed around 1am, but my mind was racing. Not good.

Sunday, Mom picked us up at 8:30am and we went to a craft show. Then we went to drop off some clothes at Goodwill, and went shopping after that. Mom finished up some Xmas shopping. I bought nothing. Sigh. I have no extra money right now. A lot of people were shopping, though. I guess not everyone waits until the last minute like me.

We got home around 3:30pm and had KFC for supper. DH watched football, and I worked some more on my cross-stitch project. DD went to bed around 6:30pm, and I was so tired I could hardly stay awake. Not to mention I had an annoying headache from being so tired. I went to bed around 9 and I think I was asleep by 10.

Thankfully, no dreams, nightmares, or racing brain. I actually slept decently for once. However, it's Monday and Mondays suck.

It's a three-day work week, though, so I'm holding onto that to get me through the day. :)

Another Nano update

33,126 words written! (That's four entries, Nov. 16, 17, 18, & 19.) Woohoo! I got caught up on the writing after missing two days this week. As an average, I'm writing 1,743 words per day. Not too shabby. :)

However, once I reach the 50,000 mark, I don't think my Nanovel will be finished. But I will finish it. I still like my story and my characters. That in itself is amazing.

RSS

Ok, I am not a techno-geek. Here is a link to basic information about RSS, in case you were wondering. Yeah, I finally used the internet to learn something.

Quote

Hope this gets some people inspired. I found it to be inspiring:

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land, this is no other life but this." ~Henry David Thoreau

There is no other life but this.

SSDD

Entranced by "Lost," I could hardly bring myself to fire up ye olde laptop last night to work on my Nanovel. However, I managed to mangle my way through another 1700 words or so. I didn't post it to the blog yet, though.

I went to bed relatively early last night, around 11pm. I guess I was tired in spite of sleeping quite a bit last weekend. DD was tired, too. She usually watches all of "Lost" with me, but she ended up going to bed about halfway through the show last night. She's four, you know. Every time the show's logo comes on the screen, we practice letter recognition. The font they chose for that is great. Hehe.

Have I mentioned that she loves school? She can't wait to leave every day. I hope the rest of her school years are this good. Tonight we're going to a school reading program. I'll talk about how that went tomorrow.

SSDD: get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, play with DD, watch tv and/or write, check email (if I feel like it), read, go to bed. The unvarying sameness of my days is numbing. Mind-numbing.

At least the feelings of emptiness are fewer these days.

BE

So I've been surfing BE for several days now. I found some enjoyable blogs to read. I found some terrifyingly ugly blogs, and I found some just plain weird blogs. I had listed my journal on the site, but I decided to delete the listing.

My journal is for a more intimate audience. If I gained some readers, great. If not, oh well. I also don't update my journal as often as I update my blog, so that was another reason to remove it.

As a reader, I don't want to be surfing BE and come across a blog that hasn't been updated for months. It would immediately go onto my block list. I like the idea of the block list--I can avoid those hideous blogs as I mentioned earlier. The problem is that you can only block 25 sites. After that, you have to remove one in order to add one. The maximum number of blocks is 25. :(

I think I talked about hideousness in a previous post. Please, bloggers, do not add every available link and blinkie just because you want to. I admit, I have a lot of links. I can't edit the blogroll coding, though, so I'm stuck with what it looks like. I try to keep my links as clean and neat as possible. That is one reason I made a drop-down list for the archives; the list was getting too long. It's still too long. Perhaps I should delete the ancient entries.

Some bloggers complain about the knitting blogs. Those definitely fit into a certain niche. I don't dislike them; in fact, I saw some very nicely designed knitting blogs. However, it would not be something I choose to read every day. If I were a knitter, I would probably like to read those blogs and have one of my own.

What I do like to read are blogs about people's lives, and what they think. I try to put that into my posts here, because that is what I like to read. I suppose it would be boring to read the same kinds of blogs all the time, but like attracts like.

(And now I will post this, because it's been a day in the making!)

AIUSA

Actually, I used to be a member of AIUSA. I believe in the cause. I donate money when I can, because I believe the cause is worthwhile.

I know that the protest is valid. AI is constantly protesting the treatment of civilians and soldiers in other "conflicts" around the world and they should hold the U.S. to the same standard. The U.S. should not have carte blanche to do whatever it wants to do, wherever it wants to do it.

I do not want to justify the killing of the Iraqi insurgent as referred to in my previous post, because there is no moral justification. However, war is hell, and I'm sure the soldier felt his own life was in danger or he wouldn't have done it.

The only problem is that he got caught.

Choose Your Scapegoat

In last night's tv news broadcast, Dan Rather muttered something about the so-called "fog of war" and then, without further ado, a video of the marine who shot the "unarmed, wounded" Iraqi insurgent was shown.

Fog of war, my ass. You know this goes on, every day. This guy just happened to get caught doing it. (You can see the actual video on that link.)

Unethical, perhaps. Morally wrong, perhaps. But war is morally wrong. People die in war. This is a war.

So get over it. You send them to kill, they will do as they are told.

Amnesty International is all huffy about the "rules of war." I hate to tell them, but there are no rules.

Now, I will add that video clip to the dark closet of things I wish I had never seen.

Heh

I added some new blog links over on the sidebar. I found them while trawling BlogExplosion, and I'm sure I'll be back to visit them.

It has been interesting, trawling these sites at random. I used to feel all alone, out in the great blogosphere, but it seems like everyone has something to say.

I like it.

However, I do not like the sites that are so hideously ugly that I have to click on by. For example, sites that have way too many blinkies, or take too long to load, or freeze my browser, or use awful colors, or have too many columns with too much information. I don't know where to look first. And if I have to figure out where the blog post is, I immediately know that blog is not for me.

I like the variety of bloggers I've seen on BlogExplosion. They come from a wide variety of backgrounds and nationalities. When you click the button, you never know what you're going to get. :)

A quiz

Haven't posted a quiz result lately, but this quiz was interesting.

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

What kind of blogger are you?

Halfway Mark

25,201 words written--as of last night. I'm writing an average of 1,800 words a day, and even when I miss a day, I'm able to make it up. After failing Nano two years running, my progress this year is phenomenal.

(Yeah, I just used the most overused word of the moment. LOL)

In other news, I slept about 18 hours on Saturday and I was still tired on Sunday. I ended up taking another two-hour nap in the afternoon. Oh, and I still did three loads of laundry and cleaned off the dining room table.

Scintillating, isn't it?

Posted

Two entries posted to my Nanovel. Now, if I could only find some conflict....

20,240/50,000 words. I am so thrilled with my progress. My story might be a little boring, but I am writing daily (for the most part), and I'm writing fiction. :) This is a major milestone for me.

Nano Update

Shortly, I will post another entry to my Nanovel. I did not write on Wednesday, and managed to only write 1700 words last night. So tonight, or this weekend, I have to make up another 1700 words and keep up with the daily entries. Sorry for the delay!

(17,526 words written)

Want more blog traffic?

Someone sent me a link to this site today. Interesting premise.

Author Suicide

Iris Chang, only age 36, killed herself. She is famous for writing "The Rape of Nanking."

Sigh.


Are all writers destined to depression???

Uh, yeah

Happy Veterans' Day to all you vets out there.


I didn't write last night. My brain was too scattered to think straight. I tried to relax by taking a long, hot shower, but that didn't work.

Is Friday ever going to get here?

I will be catching up on my word count tonight. Or I hope to, at least. We'll see. :)

Nano update

Woohoo! Up to 15,826 words. Check out my prose attempt here. Thanks for reading!

New Journal entry posted

Read it here. It's a response to a collaborative prompt from The Alchera Project journal collaboration. I enjoy doing memes and collaborations.

Another Nano Update

Two entries posted in my Nano blog. Thanks for reading!

I'm up to 14,098 words so far. I'm right on target. That's all I ever hoped for. People have already (supposedly) surpassed 50,000, and kudos to them.

I am right where I want to be.

And, the best part is that I still like my story!

Weekend

The week had passed quickly and I was certainly looking forward to being home for two days, just as I always am. Work is draining. I was looking forward to writing more wordage on my Nanovel, and playing with DD.

However, I think I turned into Hormone Hell by mistake. Sometimes you just can't see the warning signs until it's too late.

Hormone Hell: pop. 1

Saturday was a good day. I wrote 2,000 words, and DH took us out to eat. We came home and watched movies. Maybe I shouldn't have watched "The Alamo." I have to add another line of dialogue to the "things I wish I had never heard or seen" category. Billy Bob Thornton, as Davy Crockett, talks about how he was fighting (massacreing) some Indians. He says they shut the Indians in a lodge and set it on fire. Afterward, as they dug through the ashes, they found some potatoes, and because they were so hungry, they ate the cooked potatoes: potatoes that had been cooked in the fat of the people who had died in the fire.

Yummy.

On Sunday, DD and I watched the Barbie movie "The Princess and the Pauper." I think that is when my depression hit full-force.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Prince(ess) Charming is a load of crap. No one loves anyone that much. I am embarrassed I let my kid watch such a blatant piece of propaganda. Sigh.

I wish I wasn't so cynical. I wish I believed in soul mates and all that crap.

It's all crap.

So here it is, Monday morning, and I'm hoping this week passes quickly.

Already behind but forging ahead anyway

Well, intrepid readers, I ended up not doing any Nano writing last night. I did do some other journal writing, but nothing in regard to my Nano. I am not that far behind, though. I will catch up tonight. It's only 3,334 words (counting today's portion). I'll just do some more flashbacks or something.

Heh. At least I'm not feeling like giving up--yet. I still like my story. I was just in "one of those moods" yesterday.

WTF?

Last night, I finished my next section of story, and I couldn't get the post box for my blog. I guess Blogger was overwhelmed last night or something. I have dialup but still, it shouldn't take over twenty minutes to even TRY to get the post box up. I had no problem logging into the Blogger site. Sometimes even that is a hard thing to do.

Anyway, I posted both yesterday's entry and today's entry. I am at 10,716 words, and couldn't be more pleased with my progress. I am enjoying my story, having ideas for the story, and even liking some of what I'm writing. Amazing how great a little progress can make me feel. I know I can finish!

Is it just me or are these days passing by in a blur???

Thanks for all your feedback. :)

TGIF!

Look for another Nano update later tonight.

Am I the only one who feels this week has passed in a blur?

Nano update

New post to my Nano blog. Already up to 7222 words! Yay me.

Nano Update

I posted another 1802 words to my Nano blog. So far, I'm pleased with my progress, keeping to the word count or above. Although I faced some initial resistance to the blank page, knowing I need to complete a certain daily word count goal has been enough motivation--so far!

Thanks for reading!

I heart Blogger, but

why do I seem to have trouble accessing it a lot of the time???

Annoyed and Frustrated

Obama for President in 2008. Please.

Yeah, my chosen candidate seems to be going down in flames. Another election in which I supported the moderate candidate, only to have all the bible-beaters and the freemen-types overthrowing the government. Sigh.

I am not better off than I was four years ago. In fact, I'm worse off, possibly facing loss of my job to outsourcing to foreign countries. The economy is in the toilet. No candidate had a decent proposal to get us out of the slump. Instead, the cronies will continue to line their pockets with oil revenues, while the middle class back breaks.

People are STUPID!!!!!!!!!!

Nano Update

Another 1900-odd words written tonight. I actually feel as if I might finish this year. :)

VOTE!!!

Get out and do your civic duty today: vote!

Looks like Boss Tweed is alive and well. These so-called poll challenges and "voting irregularity watches" are just another way for lawyers to make money. I predict that if this election is "stolen" through the courts the way the last election was stolen, then there will be a very angry populace and things will be quite different in four more years.

Then again, the media could be making a mountain out of a molehill, since there is a dearth of any "exciting" news. Maybe things will progress smoothly.

I will place my vote after I get off work. I plan to take DD along with me. Yep, I'm indoctrinating my kid at an early age. :)

I broke through the inner procrastinator

and updated my Nano blog with the rest of today's word count goal.

Thanks for stopping by and reading!

Out of the starting blocks

I had a very productive lunch half-hour: I got the synopsis and the first few paragraphs of my WIP done. That's 285 words down, 49,715 to go. :)

Nov 1 = Excitement

Nanowrimo starts today. It's not too late to sign up. I haven't posted anything yet, to my Nano blog, but I will soon--like tonight, after I get the first 1,667 words written. :-P

I had my first paying acceptance letter today! writeforcash.com accepted my "how to make a bass fishing jig" article. I will be receiving $15 for it. I am so happy!

Don't forget to vote tomorrow!!!!

New Blog set up for Nano

For those of you who are interested, I started a new blog for my Nano story. I will also be mirroring it in my portfolio at writing.com, so never fear. Get your fiction addiction fix here! The big dance starts in only three days! October has flown by.

People get stupider every day

Sheesh. Just divorce your wife if you want to be free from your marriage. Why do people think that killing or attempting to kill your significant other will be easier than divorce? Yeah, as if going to prison or ending up on death row is is easier than divorce.

In other news, which is not necessarily related to the post headline, I love my man, but does this mean he's sold out? Remember to cast your vote on Tuesday, Nov. 2! Your vote DOES count! Other celebrities are campaigning for their chosen candidates as well.

And if you have cat allergies, here's your chance to get an allergen-free kitten. It is a brave new world, isn't it?

If you missed last night's lunar eclipse, you can see it here on cnn.com.

Annoyed

Blogger was having a major malfunction all morning????? WTF.

I guess it's time to get my own domain/host.

Memes

Over there under the blogroll link in the sidebar, I added the link for the Daily Memes list. As I was searching the web to learn exactly what a meme is, I ran across this article in the NYT. According to the article, memes "are infectious ideas or any other things that spread by imitation from person to person."

Blogging is a meme.

My favorite

new tv show since "Angel" passed into the great beyond...

"Lost" is picked up for a full season. I will just die if it is cancelled without any resolution!

More than Enough

I sold six books in the past week on half.com, and I'm so glad I decided to put more up for sale last week. Now, sales will probably die off, but hey, every little bit helps.

I've been reading Dr. Phil's book, "Life Strategies." I know that a lot of people dismiss him as just another pop psychologist, but I like his candor and honesty. I think that is why he has such a following. In the book, he talks about how you are responsible for ALL your choices. You are not a "victim," even if you've been abused or whatever. Yes, you did not choose to be abused, but you choose your reactions to it now. Life is to be managed, not cured, he says. I am only about halfway through it, but so far, it has helped me see how I've chosen to think with certain thought patterns, and how I choose to wallow in self-pity instead of doing something to improve my state of mind.

Well, I admit I knew all that already. I do choose to wallow in self-pity a lot. Sometimes, the feelings have to be let out, or else they circle in my brain like vicious vultures, biding their time. A strange thing happened, though, when I was reading the book. It was like he validated my feelings by saying I chose to feel that way. It was okay to let go of them now. Isn't that stupid?

But also, I am making a real, conscious decision to be more active, rather than passive, in my life. I have spent my whole life being the good girl, the person who doesn't take any risks and does what everyone else does or what is expected of her. I am tired of living that way. Living that way is killing me. Living that way is draining me. I am tired of trying to keep up with the Joneses and live above my means--that is what is truly draining me.

You read this and think, "yeah, everybody knows that," and it's true: I knew subconsciously what patterns of behavior I was following. I ignored the consequences of spending too much or whatever. I preferred that feeling of satisfaction I got when I bought something, even something little. That feeling would overshadow the buyer's remorse I usually got afterward.

I could blame my mom for pushing me along the road of recreational shopping, but I won't. I choose to go shopping instead of finding a satisfying hobby or finding another way to fulfill my time. I justify my spending by saying it doesn't matter because somehow the money situation will work out, and it usually does. I'm just tired of feeling drained because my resources are not where I'd like them to be.

We have more than enough stuff.

I submitted

Yesterday, I submitted my first two articles to writeforcash.com. I'm pretty sure one will be rejected because it was under the word count minimum, but I have high hopes for the second article. When they are published, I will post links.

Wish me luck!

All my blogs

Why do people maintain so many blogs? I have a few different blogs, but always consider this one my primary blog. I recently resurrected my Xanga blog for freewriting. I started it long ago because I found some writers there who I enjoyed reading, and I could subscribe to their sites. Updates are delivered to my email inbox.

When I first started blogging, there were few blog sites available. Blogger was about the only one (that I could find back in 2001 anyway). Now, there is a proliferation of sites where you can set up your very own free blog. You don't even have to know any HTML. I suppose people gravitate toward the most popular sites, like Livejournal, because a lot of their friends are there.

Some people mirror their blogs, using one site as a primary and then copying what they post to their other site. I have thought of doing that, but it seems redundant. I would rather invest the majority of my time here, at Avalon Landing, instead of splitting my efforts among several sites.

Perhaps I should just invest in my own domain and set up my blog and journal there. Then I wouldn't need so many sites. :)

Books for sale

I just added about 20 more books for sale on half.com. Most paperbacks are 75¢ and hardcovers are $2.50. (A few choice items are a little more expensive.) The link takes you to my shop with a few books listed, and you can click on Books to see more of my offerings.

Most of the books I've read once; some I haven't read at all, but are ones my mom gave to me after she read them. I do not smoke, so all books are smoke-free. A few of the books I got at library sales, so they may be a little time-worn, but nothing major. I always use bookmarks, so the pages are not dog-eared.

As you can see from my listing, I have an eclectic reading taste, with many popular fiction books, as well as more literary and non-mainstream selections. A lot of them are recently published as well. And most of them are way cheaper than if you purchased them new from a bookstore.

So go check them out!

I wish

I wish all my online friends had blogs so I could keep up with their lives, since I'm not online as much to chat in real-time.

That is, I wish they had blogs and UPDATED them regularly.

Just a short update

I posted a bunch of journal entries. Most of them are quite long. All of October is new, and the entries for Sept. 13 & 14 are new. A lot of them are depressing.

Read at your own risk.

D&D turns 30

For all you D&D geeks: D&D has been around for 30 years.

Ultimate Yard Sale

If you live in or around NYC and like to shop, check out the yard sale sponsored by Real Simple magazine. The money raised will go to NYC public schools. Read more about it here.

Crap.

I had some wonderful ideas to write about but I think I copied them to my clipboard and forgot to paste them anywhere. Ah well. I think I can reconstruct them.

daily memes list

freewrite blog ring

a prompt from diarist.net: "When was your childhood over? Do you agree with the concept of adolescence, or did you go from being a child to being an adult?"

Interesting prompts from the alchera project.

and this quote from Random Acts of Journaling: "To get where you want to go you can't only do what you like." --Peter Abrahams


Too bad I've been too busy today to write on anything. Updates to come, though!

Lonely

I was way down in the dumps today.

The silence is deafening.

Not to mention it's rained for three days straight.

They tell you the benefits, but never the risks.

My mom knows people who have had gastric bypasses who end up regaining all the weight back. It is not a magic bullet, the way the news hype would lead you to believe.

My uncle recently went in for a heart checkup, and they told him he needed a triple bypass. The doctor told him how there were new techniques in which they wouldn't have to stop his heart or need a vein from his leg, and how the recovery time would be less. (He went for the checkup on a Tuesday and was in surgery on Thursday!) However, once they got in there and started the operation, they still had to do it the old-fashioned way.

Always the benefits, never the risks.

It would be so easy, except for the rain.

I subscribe to a daily tarot newsletter, and one of today's messages for my sign was:

"A visionary friend may offer compassion and support today.Your angels will manifest in the birds, the breeze, and the stars in the skies."

That sounds great, except for the fact that it's cloudy outside and sprinkling rain.

I think my mood is just one of those things. Someone else was talking about her strange urge to clean, as well as all the other signs of the impending "monthly visitor." Did I mention that the thought of having nothing to clean out and weed through was making me slightly panicky? I guess I wrote that in my paper journal.

Calgon, take me away...

In case you hadn't heard...

"Superman" died over the weekend.

Britney's officially married.

A Movie

Last night, I watched the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun," based on a book by the same name. It starred Diane Lane as Frances, a middle-aged(?) college professor who, after discovering that her husband is cheating on her, takes a trip to Italy and falls in love with a villa. She decides to buy it and renovates it with the help of an itinerant Polish family. Frances's lesbian pregnant best friend comes to stay because her girlfriend ran out on her.

There is an air of mysticalness with the Virgin Mary ever-present. Frances falls in love with Marcello, but after one night of passion, they never are able to meet up quite the same way. She learns that there is life after a lost love. No matter how deep her pain, she was able to move on.

I liked the movie. I suppose some people would find it rather draggy. I was working on writing at the same time, so maybe that's why I enjoyed it. LOL I loved the scenery, and the renovated villa was gorgeous.

Thirty Reasons for Thirty Days

(taken from the Nano forums)

Thirty Reasons for Thirty Days

Why you [yes, you!] should participate in National Novel Writing Month!

1. Completing a novel (or for some, even starting a novel) is one more thing to cross off the life goals list.
2. Camaraderie with people are suffering the same pains at the same time as you are is so wonderful.
3. Nanowrimo forums! Links to really awesome website, games, etc.
4. It's another excuse to sit in front of the computer (or notebook) and gulp mass quantities of caffeine.
5. The realization that, contrary to popular belief, you are not the busiest person in the world, even with Nanowrimo.
6. If you've never written a paper in one night (or two, or three) before, you eventually will. Nanowrimo is good practice.
7. If you're still in school, you can procrastinate writing by doing homework. The opposite procrastination technique works equally well. If you're not in school, you can procrastinate in this way by doing something that you should actually be doing, such as laundry or taking out the trash.
8. Nanowrimo t-shirts to buy so you can declare your insanity to the world.
9. If you break 50,000 words before 30 November and get it verified, you get a super-cool certificate and winner's icon.
10. Even if you don't finish, you can still brag by saying, "I'm writing a novel this month. What are you doing?"
11. Haven't you ever wanted to answer "How are you?" with a number?
12. Most people [cough...teachers] say, "Write about this topic." With Nanowrimo, any imaginable topic can be your novel, even butt-kicking pirates from Jupiter. [Hey, there's an idea...]
13. It's a chance to let your inner critic loose for thirty days. Let a typo become a part of your novel. Invent swear words for your characters to use. Watch what comes out when you don't have an inner critic to stop you.
14. It only truly costs time, sanity, and social life.
15. How long it takes for cyanide to kill someone? What kind of knives did the Greeks use? Get the answers from fellow Wrimos.
16. The number one reason that people don't pass 50,000 words is because [surprise!] they don't begin. If you write just one measly word, you're ahead of more than half the Wrimos who signed up in 2003.
17. Thousands of people around the world--different everything--participate. They share a love of writing...and their ideas with you.
18. Just because your character is stuck doesn't mean that you have to be. Use a deus ex machina or a snide reference to whatever you want. Kill your main character if you want to. Just get your novel out of that block!
19. Your participation will mock those authors who take a lot more time writing novels. Those novels are typically much better novels, but it really is possible to write a draft in a month.
20. Allow others around you to question your sanity [assuming they don't already question it, that is.]
21. You can become a hermit for thirty days...or at least while you're writing. This excuse will only work for a month at a time, though.
22. You can threaten someone with, "If you don't [annoying action], I'll write you into my novel and kill you there!"
23. It helps you to realize the value of sleep.
24. Writing a novel is an excuse not to go out with friends or to that annoying event that you just can't stand going to.
25. The adrenaline rush that comes along when you've just written 1500 words in an hour is wonderful. Nanowrimo should be a drug.
26. Nanowrimo gives you an opportunity to improve your typing or scribbling skills without those boring lessons.
27. Even though you're procrastinating on something, you're also learning the art of time management.
28. There's a story in your head that must come to life. If it doesn't, those characters will hate you forever.
29. It's fun!
30. It really is possible.Are you convinced yet? Good. Go to http://www.nanowrimo.org/ and sign up today. Actual novel-writing begins 1 November 2004, local time. Good luck!

Ah, yes. Feel free to pass this list around. Just pass around the material in its entirety. And when you do sign up, do let me know so we can cheer each other on and bug each other about word count!

Darwinism...

Duh! Even artists need a proofreader.

Double duh! Classic Darwinism at its best.

More Cleaning

Tonight it was stuff in the basement. I had two boxes of wedding miscellanea that I combined into one box--I found a card scrapbook that I had totally forgotten about, plus a ton of tourist brochures from the honeymoon trip to South Dakota.

There is one great big box of trash, plus several empty boxes that need to be tossed. I gave DD some old toys that I had kept from my childhood. I sorted through two boxes of tapes, culling that down to one box. As for giveaways, I have one large box and one small box of stuff like purses and other items that I wonder why I kept.

It took an hour to go through it all, and then we watched "Lost." (Check out this fansite for a nice gallery of photos from upcoming episodes.) I am hooked on that show! Of course, it helps that I've always liked Matthew Fox, even when he was on "Party of Five." He's outgrown that boyish look and looks like quite the yummy man now. *sigh*

However, I HATE that ABC shows about five minutes of the program, and then intercuts ten minutes of commercials. Gah!

Finding Time

Since I was still in a cleaning mode last night, I had DD help me with the three boxes of toys that had taken up residence in the computer room.

I sorted, while she put some of the bigger stuff in her bedroom. It took about forty-five minutes. Then I ended up watching tv all night. I seem to be trading one obsession for another, yet again.

Today was her first official day of preschool. After her screening last spring by the school district, they told us the district didn't have a pre-K program. I was annoyed. As much as we pay in taxes, there ought to be a program!

But a state program received its funding two weeks ago, and we got her signed up for it. It's regular preschool, not a Head Start program or anything like that. DH said that as soon as she saw the classroom turtle this morning, she never looked back. LOL He is having a hard time with his little baby going off to school.

What else have I been doing? Trying to find time for all the stuff I want to do. Maybe I should stop cleaning...

Jump on the NaNo bandwagon! If you think you can write 50,000 words in one month, sign up!

Still in a cleaning mode

This weekend, I...

• cleaned the upstairs bathroom, including mopping the nasty floor
• cleaned out my closet, finding a pair of brand-new, still -in-the box tennis shoes that I had purchased at a buy-one-get-one-free sale
• transferred my old journals to a new, larger, box
• bought a secondhand laptop at a yard sale so that I can write while DH is watching football or other tv, and we can still spend time together
• did four loads of laundry
• put away all the clothes
• did one load of dishes
• put away all the dishes
• wrote 2,500 words
• took DD to a pumpkin patch and bought some flowers and pumpkins
• took DD to visit her preschool classroom
• visited the in-laws
• divided up stationery so I can give half to my mother-in-law
• tried to post this entry and thank god Blogger didn't eat it!

Nano Forums Now Open!

Nano forums and the new website are up and running. Go check it out! Do you have what it takes to complete 50,000 words in a month?

Recent Movies

This week, I've watched several movies. Our cable company recently let us have like 20 channels of Starz! for three months free, and then $5.95/month thereafter. So we've been gorging on movies. DH has watched "Friday After Next" and "Hulk." I watched "Welcome to the Dollhouse," "Mona Lisa Smile," and "How to Deal."

"Dollhouse" was sad, heartfelt, and entertaining. It ended depressingly, though. I could easily identify with the main character, a middle child who was going through the growing pains of adolescence. Her name escapes me, but she was portrayed by Heather Matarrazzo. I recommend it as an arty kind of film--one that makes you think.

"MLS" starred Julia Roberts as Katherine Watson, an art professor at Wellesley College in the 1950s. As always, Kirsten Dunst shone as Betty, a hoity-toity miss who thought that marriage was her heart's desire. Julia Stiles was wasted as Joan, a girl who gets into Yale Law School, only to decide that she would prefer a family to a career. I say wasted because she had little screen time. Maggie Gyllenhaal (I think) was Gisele, the slut of the group, who was actually the most grounded of all the women. All I have to say is that if that was really how female colleges were run in the 1950s, then I'm glad to be a modern woman of the 80s-90s-00s. You can have marriage and career, and you do have to make some sacrifices. Just don't do one or the other or both because society tells you to.

Mandy Moore portrayed Hallie, the main character in "HtD." It was a typical teen film, very predictable, and Moore was almost too sweet as a girl who doesn't want to fall in love because love hurts. Yes, it can hurt, but the hurt is so worth it. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I didn't care for this film, but someone out there might like it.

Last weekend, DH & I watched "Hidalgo." Awesome scenery. Slow story. Handsome Viggo Mortensen. Handsome horse. Worth watching for the scenery alone.

Have a great weekend!

Nanowrimo is only a month away!

Nanowrimo, National Novel Writing Month, is only one month away. Registration is open and the forums will be open at 3pm Pacific time. If you think you can write 50,000 words in one month, check it out and sign up. This will be my third attempt, and the third time should be the charm.

I discovered Nano in 2002, and signed up, but did not complete my novel. In fact, I barely made 3,000 words. Last year, I attempted it again, but barely made 10,000 words. So this year, I have high hopes for completion. I wrote daily from February to June this year, so I know that I can make the 1,617 daily word count Nano will require.

I will do some brainstorming this month to figure out what I will write about. I also have a personal writing challenge to complete in October, so it will be good practice. And Nano will give me something to blog about. LOL

Wish me luck!

Baggage

Do you ever wish you could start a relationship over, without all the attached baggage?

I was rereading old journals recently and found that after the first eleven months of marriage, I was ready to call it quits. (DH & I were married in 1997.) At that time, DH was working away from home, and I was lonely. I was wondering what the hell I was doing in a relationship where I would never be put first.

Now, however, I am so glad I stuck it out. He's been a rock through good and bad times, and he puts up with all my crap. I'm lucky to have such a great guy.

But there is still some old baggage between us... I wonder if we will ever be able to get rid of it.

Purging and Saving

Also on vacation, I did some "Clean Sweep"ing, cleaning out a trashbag full of old magazines and outdated reference books. Why in the world was I keeping a year's worth of Self and Fitness? I remember doing some cleaning last spring thinking that maybe I would refer to the past issues, but I never did.

I should have felt relief at purging some of these old things that were just taking up space, but I didn't. I felt guilty and tense afterward. I still don't feel right about it. I suppose there is some guilt for having spent money on some of the outdated reference books, but I should feel free, shouldn't I? In fact, I felt overwhelmed as I faced the sheer amount of books I have kept from childhood. I long for organized shelves, and I added that to a list of projects that DH will complete--by next summer. My book room is supposed to be a sanctuary, but it is mostly filled with bags and some boxes of craft supplies and books. A lot of stuff is gone. I have pared down my books over the years, and what I have left is what I want to keep--at least for awhile longer. I value all of them equally.

But, if we faced the loss of everything in our house, there are only two things I would save: my box of journals and whatever photographs I could collect in time. Everything is just stuff. Sure, I would be upset to lose my Barbie collection and some of my other collections, but those are just things. The essence of my life boils down to my journals and photographs.

That's all. They are irreplaceable and priceless to me.

What would you save?

Vacation Daze

Time passed slowly while I was on vacation last week. That was a good thing. Normally, I perceive time passing in a blink. I thought my vacation might pass that way as well, so I was pleasantly surprised to feel myself slow down.

DD and I played outside almost every day. The weather was wonderful, with sunny skies and light breezes. I watched her ride her tricycle up and down the sidewalk, joining in to ride on the back while she pedaled madly.

I started a new journal volume, having completed no. 48 last Monday. The new volume is titled "My Garden," because my journal is the fertile soil of my creativity. Maybe this weekend, on Sunday when DH is away, I will go through some of my old volumes and write out a list of possible writing topics. I should start carrying around a small notepad and pen at all times--because my inspiration strikes when I least expect it!

Happy Anniversary to my Blog!

I began this blog on September 25, 2001. Wow, that seems like a long time ago. I quit writing in it for awhile because Blogger was having problems, and I couldn't find anything to say. Just recently, I picked up my pen again, so to speak, and changed the design of the site.

Thanks for following me through my myriad transformations.

On Vacation

As the reward for hard work well-done, I got a week off with pay. That is where I've been. DD & I have been relaxing in the sun and DH has been getting a break from DD. :)

Longer posts to resume soon. :) Thanks for reading.

Can you believe that tomorrow is the first day of Autumn?

Pithy Title Here

Journal update

I had the day off yesterday, and today, I have done nothing but catch up on emails, surf the web, and update my blogs and journal. LOL I can't complain too much, though.

Catch-Up

The boss gave me the day off yesterday so I spent it sleeping, and relaxing with DH & DD.

Back to regularly scheduled blogging!

Blogging for $

As I mentioned in previous entries, I added Google ads to this blog. Every click on an ad and I get a little kickback. :) Now, I don't feel this is begging. I would never make enough money that way to quit my day job or something. I host my blog for free here on Blogspot.com. I pay for my online journal space at diary-x.com all on my own, but d-x has free accounts with no strings attached. I also pay for my writing.com portfolio, but again, the site offers free accounts with some limitations.

This CBSNews article talks about some of the biggies in blogging and what kind of money they make from their blogs. A lot of those sites have Paypal buttons or other ways to give money to the author. I suppose a lot of them ask for money in order to keep their domain name or site hosting. But, don't they feel it is begging?

I was on one site the other day that charges access to post and read in its forum. However, you could view a certain number of messages, but you could not respond to them, and after the number was up, you couldn't get past the sign-up page. (I can't find the link, or else I'd post it here.)

I remember reading about sites like savekaren.com (or whatever that site was where that woman was begging for money to leave her husband or pay off her credit card bills) and thinking how stupid could people be to actually send money to the site owner. People did send money, though.

Maybe blogging for dollars won't make them rich, but they are getting paid for their writing--sort of. No one should write for free, but to make a blog successful, you need a theme, good writing, and that je ne sais quoi that keep readers coming back for more.

I guess I'll always be poor. LOL

Restocking

Why is it that when I desperately need a diet Mt. Dew, there are none to be had?

On my way to work this morning, I went to the gas station before leaving town so I could get $15 of gas. I was on E. So I filled up and went inside to pay and to get my daily dose of Dew.

They were out of diet. Diet is my favorite. I had to settle for regular. I guess I should be thankful that they had regular!

Why is it so hard for store clerks to restock the coolers? Do they think it's not their job? Perhaps it's not their job, but still, many empty slots stared at me as I gazed into the cooler. I hate going there on Tuesdays. I'm not sure when the Pepsi man delivers their order, but it can't come soon enough.

Which reminds me of another story: since March, DH has had Wenesdays off so he could go fishing in the evenings (he works nights). His night tournaments are now over and so he has gone back to work on Wednesdays. He is a cook, and not only does he have to make food, the cooks are responsible for cleaning certain of the prep tables in the kitchen. This one table had not been cleaned since March. He went to clean it last week and there was caked-on gunk that made him realize that no one was doing what they were supposed to be doing. I could not believe it.

"Don't they know their responsibilities?" I asked him.

"Apparently not. They'd rather dick off than see what needs to be done and do it," he replied.

"That's crazy."

"That's the caliber of employees that I work with, dear."

People are stupid--amen.

Weekend Update

A busy weekend for us included going to the Arcola Broomcorn Festival. We never stay to watch the famous parade, though. It's too crowded by that time. Plus, it was scorchingly hot and humid on Saturday.

We walked around the downtown area, checking out the vendors and the food. Of course, we spent most of our money on food: taffy and sugared pecans. DD wanted a fairy halo (a circular star crown with flowing ribbons down the back), and they were a dollar so we bought her one of those. Poor kid was tuckered out with all that walking.

Then we had to go to Wal-Mart and pick up a few things. We were home by 3:30 and MIL called to see if DD was ready to spend the night at her house. She was able to leave work earlier than she thought, so DH took DD over to her store and then came back to pick me up.

We went out for a nice dinner at our favorite restaurant, and then it was on to the movie. Luckily, we caught an early show at 5:50, rather than having to wait until 7pm and pay full price. (The movie was not worth the full price!)

When we got home, we watched the end of "LoTR: RoTK" on DVD, and then I was asleep by 10:30pm! I couldn't help it. I was just so exhausted. DH said he stayed up until 3am.

On Sunday, we attended DH's family reunion. Everyone seemed a little out of sorts. I don't know why. People tended to stay in their own family groups. When we got home, we ate dinner and then I gave DD a bath. She went to bed soon after. DH watched football games, and I read a book.

And now it's Monday again. I hope the week passes quickly.

Movie Review

Well, DH & I did go out on Saturday to see "RE: Apocalypse" and we enjoyed it. We liked the first one, though. We heard some people in the theater say that it was kind of lame, but I liked the storyline. Perhaps the characters were a little too shallow, and maybe there were some plot holes, but it was a fun popcorn movie. I have never played the videogame so I cannot compare the movie to the game.

If you liked the first movie, you will probably like this movie. The zombies and other horrific aspects didn't get much screen time, but they set it up for a third movie, so maybe that one will be really scary.

Then again, maybe I'm too old for this kind of film. I certainly enjoy watching Leeloo and the other strong female characters.

Change is Rampant

In case you were wondering, BlogSnob changed its website and ad coding. Go update your page if you have an account there.

I also added Google ads over there below the sidebar. All of that is inconspicuous so it shouldn't detract from your enjoyment of my writing. :)

*****

Ok, so there are supposed to be BlogSnob ads over there under the "Other Blogs from BlogSnob" heading, but half the time the script doesn't work, so just ignore it. Sorry. :(

Movies

The reviews are in, and it looks like the critics hate "Resident Evil II: Apocalypse."

Don't they realize that the only reason people are going to go watch it is to see Leeloo (Milla Jovovich)?

Argh!

Yesterday, I went to post here on blogger, and the silly post would not go through. There is nothing more discouraging than wanting to post and being unable to.

I have been woefully remiss in posting and in updating my journal. At least I haven't been as tired in the evenings as I was last week. However, I still sleep poorly. Last night, I dreamed about work!

The weekend is almost here, and DH and I are planning a little night out on Saturday night. We want to go see Milla Jovovich in "Resident Evil II: Apocalypse." We love Leeloo. :) ("The Fifth Element" is a very underrated movie.) But nonetheless, Friday cannot come quickly enough.

Fashion Tips

WNTW--This show on TLC is fascinating. In a way, it's mean, surprising people and telling them that they do not know how to dress, but the transformations are unbelievable. I took the fashion quiz on the website and scored 12 out of 13 correct. Even if I feel frumpy and dowdy, I guess I do know some things about fashion. :) I just wish it was easier to find ready-to-wear clothes that fit well.

Been Away, but Now I'm BAAACK!

I admire people who have time and energy to post to their blogs every day, and have something pithy and important to share.

Last week felt like the end of an era for me, in various ways. The past year has been very, um, not good, and I finally felt free of all the turmoil that has been plaguing me all summer. Staying offline and away from some things I had become obsessed with has helped immensely. It's very easy to lose sight of reality. Reality pales in comparison to an ideal or fantasy, and the ideal never lives up to the perfection of the dream.

But anyway... that is all over. All of it. Gone. Done with. Ended. Over.

Endings are difficult.

Dream

I had an intense dream about Terry Farrell, who starred in a cheesy movie ("Deep Core"; scroll down to the movie description) I watched on the Sci-Fi channel Sunday night.

Yes, it was very intense. *blushes* What can I say? She's hot!

Today, I am...

infuriated! You should be too, after reading about this incident. Proves my point that people are stupid, stupid to the nth degree.

Listening to...

Tonight I'm listening to "All That You Can't Leave Behind" by U2. I especially like the song "Walk On." It reminds me of the winter of 2000. I had not been online very long, and I used to play this CD all the time while I surfed the internet.

DH went fishing and is spending the night at his parents' house, since he has another tournament tomorrow. (It's his dad's boat and his dad is his fishing partner.) DD and I will probably goof off at home. She's in bed right now.

It's a quiet night, except for the CD. The a/c has been running almost constantly since I got home from work. It was very hot today; temperatures hit 90. It was a long day at work, and TGIF! Somehow, I slept wrong on my neck and upper back. I could hardly turn my head all day. I need a massage!

Five Things I'm Thankful For:

• Fixing my bracelet with the hematite stones
• DD went to bed with no fits or arguments
• a/c
• speaking with an old friend who I hadn't talked to in ages
• a nice hot shower before I go to bed later

Five Things I Miss:

• long conversations
• writing longer entries
• getting encouraging feedback on my writing
• writing daily the way I did from February to May
• listening

I don't know if I'll have a chance to blog later, so have a happy weekend!